eff dating.

Wow. I really suck at keeping up with blogs. I swear, once upon a time- I was on top of blogging.

Let's see- where to begin? Well, the original DB made a brief comeback the past couple of weeks but I see his demise coming any day now. He has trouble blurring lines. I have trouble putting up with him blurring lines.

The online dating sites have been pretty freakin lame-o lately. The only one that has had any promise at all also works in radio and has two side jobs. Ya know what that equals? Two people who will have no time to actually date eachother. Go figure. He seems super nice- but takes FOREVER to text back.. like hours. I miss the days of dating with out cell phones. Coming home to check your answering machine just HOPING for that message from the boy you like. Wait, wait, wait. What am I talking about? I wasn't born for those days. Must have seen it in the movies. Sure would be nice, though.

I'm trying to stay optimistic. I am. I really am. Did that not sound convincing? Hmmph.

DB recap

a quick recap of the downfall of DB #1:

DB: you've been ignoring my calls :(
Me: Yes. You are correct.
DB: But why?
Me: Seriously? You need me to spell it out for you?
DB: I mean.. I just thought you'd be a little appreciative that I was honest. Obviously not.
Me: Is this a joke? You can't be serious.
DB: I really miss you. You're a great girl. and I feel bad about what I did. Can't you see it from
my point of view. I had to be honest. You should understand.
Me: No. no. no. Honest would have been a before the fact kind of deal. Not after.
DB: Yeah. But me and that girl are over. If you had answered my calls for the past two weeks,
I could have told you that.
Me: Ohhh. I see. That makes perfect sense. In that case.. we can totally be together. NOT.
There's no going back now.
DB: OKAY! well, then let's move forward!
ME: You are a deush. I forgive you for being a deush. But I don't forget.
DB: Okay! When you're ready to see this from my point of view.. please call me.
Me: Will do.. but don't hold your breath, sucka!

And that is that. Another one bites the dust.

yeaaaa

Well, Folks. It's probably a good thing I didn't have much of a connection with any of those foolio's on Match. It seems that my free time is going to be few and far between these days. Unless of course you know someone who wants a girlfriend who can only see someone once a month. You let me know.

I got Nothin'.

What a lame-o week on Match. I just may have worn out my winks. Seriously- only like two incoming winks and neither of interest.

Although- the original DB has called now THREE times in the past week with no answer from me? What is he thinking? and DB#2 (Sabs cousin) sent a random text "Hey stranger. (yes, stranger, indeed.) How are you?" PASS.

I think I need to up my A game with this online dating bit. Let's go over a few rules:

- MUST be over 5 foot 7. I'm 5'5" and with heels, about 5'8. Shorties need not apply.
- MUST have a J-O-B. And, by job- I mean one that pays.
- MUST never, ever, ever order a strawberry dacquiri on a date.
- MUST not be bipolar. Pick a personality and stick to it!

and Last but not Least:
- Must be able to handle someone who likes to turn hobbies into careers. (i.e.- no real time to date- pencil you in three weeks from now? Perfect- cya then.)

Oh.. did I mention..

The original DB called me on Saturday night while I was out downtown for a
bachelorette party. Yeah. I couldn't believe it either. I did not answer of course, but I almost wish I did so I could have been a complete and utter Bia to get back at him.

Sorry pal, but my life is now a DB-free zone.

text wars

Well, in my not so brutal way of making my second date with Reidsville my last date- I sent him the following text:

[Thank you for dinner- but tonight was just really awkward and honestly I didn't really get the impression that you were all that interested anyways.]

I did this to not be the bad guy. Which I thought worked when I heard no response back from him....... until last night.

[what gave you that impression?]

Somehow, replying back with [You seemed more interested in your daiquiri than you did me.] doesn't seem like the most mature route.

We. will. see.

dacquiri with a side of balls?

Now this is the story all about how my date turned out to be a homosexual. I'd like to take a minute, just sit right here and I'll tell about how he drank a daiquiri while I drank a beer.

So tonight was date 2 with Reidsville. However, this time, I think he may have gone on vacation and sent his gay alter ego instead. After basically eating alone with little to no communication- I came to the realization that he just might have a little secret. One that he keeps deep inside the closet....behind his high heel shoes.

So, ladies- don't let this happen to you. Here are a few tips:

How to know if your date is gay:

• He orders a strawberry daiquiri..... with whip cream.
• He fails to notice how incredibly cute you are dressed on your second date- BUT did remember to comment on how cute your shoes were on the first.
• He doesn't once look at your cleavage.. even though it's clearly the third wheel on your date.

Needless to say- I skipped out on the movie with the oldie but goodie, "It's late, I think I better call it a night." FYI- it was 8pm. This however was not quite enough for him to get the hint that it was the worst. date. ever. and he still tried to swoop in for the kiss. I dodged that shit like a bullet.

After two text messages asking if I was alright- he earned a response from me that simply stated things were not going to work out.

So...... it's on to the next. I'd write more, but i'll be busy winking.