DB recap

a quick recap of the downfall of DB #1:

DB: you've been ignoring my calls :(
Me: Yes. You are correct.
DB: But why?
Me: Seriously? You need me to spell it out for you?
DB: I mean.. I just thought you'd be a little appreciative that I was honest. Obviously not.
Me: Is this a joke? You can't be serious.
DB: I really miss you. You're a great girl. and I feel bad about what I did. Can't you see it from
my point of view. I had to be honest. You should understand.
Me: No. no. no. Honest would have been a before the fact kind of deal. Not after.
DB: Yeah. But me and that girl are over. If you had answered my calls for the past two weeks,
I could have told you that.
Me: Ohhh. I see. That makes perfect sense. In that case.. we can totally be together. NOT.
There's no going back now.
DB: OKAY! well, then let's move forward!
ME: You are a deush. I forgive you for being a deush. But I don't forget.
DB: Okay! When you're ready to see this from my point of view.. please call me.
Me: Will do.. but don't hold your breath, sucka!

And that is that. Another one bites the dust.

yeaaaa

Well, Folks. It's probably a good thing I didn't have much of a connection with any of those foolio's on Match. It seems that my free time is going to be few and far between these days. Unless of course you know someone who wants a girlfriend who can only see someone once a month. You let me know.

I got Nothin'.

What a lame-o week on Match. I just may have worn out my winks. Seriously- only like two incoming winks and neither of interest.

Although- the original DB has called now THREE times in the past week with no answer from me? What is he thinking? and DB#2 (Sabs cousin) sent a random text "Hey stranger. (yes, stranger, indeed.) How are you?" PASS.

I think I need to up my A game with this online dating bit. Let's go over a few rules:

- MUST be over 5 foot 7. I'm 5'5" and with heels, about 5'8. Shorties need not apply.
- MUST have a J-O-B. And, by job- I mean one that pays.
- MUST never, ever, ever order a strawberry dacquiri on a date.
- MUST not be bipolar. Pick a personality and stick to it!

and Last but not Least:
- Must be able to handle someone who likes to turn hobbies into careers. (i.e.- no real time to date- pencil you in three weeks from now? Perfect- cya then.)

Oh.. did I mention..

The original DB called me on Saturday night while I was out downtown for a
bachelorette party. Yeah. I couldn't believe it either. I did not answer of course, but I almost wish I did so I could have been a complete and utter Bia to get back at him.

Sorry pal, but my life is now a DB-free zone.

text wars

Well, in my not so brutal way of making my second date with Reidsville my last date- I sent him the following text:

[Thank you for dinner- but tonight was just really awkward and honestly I didn't really get the impression that you were all that interested anyways.]

I did this to not be the bad guy. Which I thought worked when I heard no response back from him....... until last night.

[what gave you that impression?]

Somehow, replying back with [You seemed more interested in your daiquiri than you did me.] doesn't seem like the most mature route.

We. will. see.

dacquiri with a side of balls?

Now this is the story all about how my date turned out to be a homosexual. I'd like to take a minute, just sit right here and I'll tell about how he drank a daiquiri while I drank a beer.

So tonight was date 2 with Reidsville. However, this time, I think he may have gone on vacation and sent his gay alter ego instead. After basically eating alone with little to no communication- I came to the realization that he just might have a little secret. One that he keeps deep inside the closet....behind his high heel shoes.

So, ladies- don't let this happen to you. Here are a few tips:

How to know if your date is gay:

• He orders a strawberry daiquiri..... with whip cream.
• He fails to notice how incredibly cute you are dressed on your second date- BUT did remember to comment on how cute your shoes were on the first.
• He doesn't once look at your cleavage.. even though it's clearly the third wheel on your date.

Needless to say- I skipped out on the movie with the oldie but goodie, "It's late, I think I better call it a night." FYI- it was 8pm. This however was not quite enough for him to get the hint that it was the worst. date. ever. and he still tried to swoop in for the kiss. I dodged that shit like a bullet.

After two text messages asking if I was alright- he earned a response from me that simply stated things were not going to work out.

So...... it's on to the next. I'd write more, but i'll be busy winking.

stagnent.

Sorry I've not been updating lately, but quite frankly there hasn't been much to write about. I hosted a bridal/bachelorette weekend at my place, so dating took a backseat to good friends.

I haven't even looked on Match for a few days- this online thing is hard work. Weeding out the creeps seems to take enough time to call it a part time job.

Tonight is date numero dos with Reidsville. He has fallen off the face of the earth when it comes to keeping in contact lately. He started off very strong- and has lingered down to just a few texts here and there. Out of sight, out of mind? We'll see. I'm a quick veto- so he better bring his A game tonight. I'll post details tomorrow.

Pimpin' ain't easy.

Not a WHOLE lot to blog about today. Reidsville and I are still texting/calling a lot since our date. I find that I'm having a hard time multitasking. I SHOULD still be actively "getting those winks out there," rather than putting all of my eggs in one basket- but haven't actually heard from anyone i'm remotely that interested in.

Oh, but wait.. this just came in.. well, hey there- you 80's hair hunk. I like that side part- and side smile for that matter.

Yep. that sums it up for today.

The date.. dun dun dun

Meet Reidsville.

He asked me to meet him for dinner at Olive Garden (score- free meal numero uno) on Sunday night. Tish came over for a pre date screening and picked out an outfit for me. She even insisted that I wear heels- let's hope he's a not a shorty masquerading as a 6 foot-er. There was a bit of akwardness throughout the night- but I think only as much as can be expected for the first date with a stranger. Hmm, to pasta or not to pasta. Hold it together Jenn, no one likes a spagetti slurper. Wine? YES please!

He was very inquisitive and friendly- and told me I was prettier than my pictures let on- I KNEW i liked this guy, ha. He walked me to my car and I even let him kiss me goodnight.

Ten minutes later? He confessed his love for me. Okay, okay. Not really- but he did send me a text telling me how sweet I am and that he really wanted to see me again. SCORE- I've got him right where I want him ;)

day 5,6,7

Okay- so here's the recap:

D-bag #2 finds it endearing to continue to text. Even after a few texts ago he declared he would "no longer bother me." The following morning was followed up with a "how are you today." The man is persistant if nothing else. If only [loser] wasn't a defining quality.

Reidsville asked me out. Woohoo. My first official Match date. Am I ready for this? Not sure! But hey, why the heck am I paying to date if I don't score a few free meals? Dinner on Sunday night. Results to follow.

The high School coach has fallen off the radar. Listen dude, if we have emailed consistently for a few days- and you haven't asked me out- check.ya.later. I'm not looking for a pen pal here. If you decide to grow a pair and ask me out- i'll be thoroughly impressed.

A few emails came in from different shades of not interested. I'm not feeling all that confident that i'm cut out for this - but still trying to keep an open mind.

Holy Shorty Shorts, Batman!

Meet Ben. Ben likes to rock climb, skip rocks, and show off his thighs. Newsflash Ben, If your showing more leg than I am, it's a no go. And for that matter- I think I spot a croc. No- not floating down the river.. on his foot. PASS.

Day 2

I awoke to four emails and 8 winks. SWEET! oh. okay. Hold on.. let me take a closer look at these prospects.. getting less sweet by the minute. Ah, yes. FAIL.

My particular favorite was a small asian man from Charlotte- who told me that my smile inspired him to write a poem. Sorry, guy. I'm not a sappy girl- nor do I date men under 4 feet.

Then there was Reidsville. Interesting.. Geriatric Nurse, hmm, must be compassionate. Okay- he told me I was pretty- i'm his forever. Sent him an email back- will post his response later.

High School coach from Winston. Seems nice. We've emailed about 8 or 9 times today. Clearly, I've been super busy at work. He has potential.

Gah, I feel like such a playaaa. Go me.

Then there is D-bag # 2. Who was overly pushy and insisted we meet TONIGHT. He told me that he had been divorced for 2 years and he was a broker. Turns out- He just separated and works for his mom. How i know this? At lunch with Sabrina today, I mentioned him, and he's her cousin. Small world. Small, small, hit on your own cousin, kind of world. No thanks, D-bag. I'll pass.

Day 1

We revised my profile (meaning Sara revised it, making me not sound like such a loser) and posted my most flattttering photo's- after scouring facebook profile pictures. After much deliberation- this is it folks. Meet desperate..scratch that... open minded Jenn.
What happened next can only be described by Sara's advice. "You gotta get as many winks out there, Jenn.... it's a numbers game. The more winks the better." Perfect. My dating life has the same motto as a sales department. So winking is what we did. Results to follow...

Introduction

Okay, so this is it. I've hit an all time low. After being dissed by who I will call D-bag #1, Sara convinced me to join the online dating world in an attempt to not become bitter and cynical at the ripe old age of 25. I recently laughed at the hilarity of someone else chronicling their online dating stories- and thought, what the hey? If I don't meet Mr. Right- at least my friends can get a laugh at my expense. Go ahead, I would if you were me.